The (Full) Circle of Life

Posted on May 25, 2014



(Photo credit)

“By ditching the “I’m here to save the world” mentality, I realized how much I can attain in life by flowing with the current.”


If there’s one certainty I have discovered, it’s that everything in life comes full circle eventually. There is no way to escape the inescapable truth of this fact of existence. For me, it has been a perpetually evolving process of cresting insurmountable peaks only to scramble back down and seek new challenges.

Those challenges over the past few years have been completely inner battles, ditching old paradigms and patterns in order to make room for a newer way of being; I just never have really been able to lock down what, exactly, I’d be replacing old losses with. If you’d seen where I began this process, and the truly crazy things it has shown me over the course of the ride, I doubt very much that you’d be reading a word of my current prose.

Then again, when has growth ever been rational, understood, or pretty?

I’m sitting here watching a couple Khmer (aka Cambodian) kids jump and giggle loudly on a trampoline near the swimming pool that I’m drawing inspiration from. The location is Sihanoukville, Cambodia. The setting is a warm, cloudy day that is showing signs of the impending rainy season. Lush trees surround me, and my wife is on the laptop adjacent to me creating our joint travel/zen blog that we have been (see “She has been”) trying to launch for just over four weeks. Space A travel brought us quite far from home, in search of the answers that I’m somehow accidentally finding; a theme I’m all too familiar with these days.

My answer now? That I’m ready to return to the part of my life that is the proud military veteran, something I’ve been shucking and jiving through for around four years or so, give or take. But the question is this: How the hell did it happen? I mean, up until Thailand a couple months ago I was on a long train ride through the frustrations that my country has helped instigate. Or had it?

For as long as I can recall I’ve been an equal participant in the growing national angst of more and more invasions of privacy, security, and the American Dream in general that is the current American paradigm. In short, I have been terribly upset that I served an ungracious government bent on destructive world domination. And then something happened.

We recently watched Zeitgeist, a very popular film about the things that I’ve always known and intuited about the world history and where it’s brought us today. Have you seen it? You should, and you should remain open-minded since there are some really good things for the average person to consider before drinking the Kool Aid of globalization.


While watching this quite popular and mind-numbing flick, it occurred to me that I’m finally ready to ditch the melodrama. I’m not saying that it isn’t warranted, it’s just that I no longer need to retain my stronghold on rebutting the things that power is doing to the world. Why is that? It’s pretty simple, I think, yet it still requires a summarization that I hope might help another reader or two to understand.

It comes down to my time in the University of MN, when I was really pushing hard on the way that faculty and fellow students seemed to believe helping people was less about the people and more about the self. By continuously pointing out to these folks about how they had it wrong (which they did) and really weren’t out to serve the general population (which is true), I became a part of perpetuating the anger problem already embedded into our fabric. When I couldn’t stomach the system and my place in addressing it any longer, I knew it was time to pull the plug and explore the answers more intimately.

That’s what my last few years have been all about, and by watching Zeitgeist, followed by Limitless (where the character takes a drug and taps into his full potential, even enabling himself to move beyond the need of the drug and maintain his full psychic awareness), I realized that I am not operating at my peak by still picking a side in the war for the world. By maintaining a warrior status, even it’s a “peaceful” warrior, I am still looking at an us versus them continuation…precisely what I’ve been against since the very beginning of this crazy ride! We are all-inclusive beings, meaning we can and maybe should be able to represent all things in life – Creation and Destruction in one embodiment. We are, after all, physical forms of the great Divine, aren’t we?

But that’s the beauty of life, as I’m discovering it. In this life we all get to explore so much creativity and reach as far as our imaginations will allow. Nobody ever promised that creative processes didn’t have victims. Don’t get me wrong, I find it quite off balance the way things are happening, and it needs some rectification, absolutely. There’s nothing harmonious or glorifying about destroying the essence of life – living, breathing organisms – for any purposes, development or otherwise.

And yet I find myself being filled with a joy and exuberance for the process than ever before. Why? It seems to be because I have still an overwhelming belief in mankind to get our shit straight, and it’s based largely in the connections and love I still retain from my former colleagues, who unconditionally respect and support one another…to include me, despite my radical and very public departure from all things rational over the past four and a half years. These guys and gals have shown me that I am a beautiful creation, by simply remaining the divine gods and goddesses that they are.

So here I am, facing the dawning of a new age within, which has probably always been the universal plan for those of us having the spiritual awakenings en masse today. I never, ever, in a million lifetimes would have guessed that I’d be standing in this new pride as an American, a military veteran, and a human, all in one bundle. The beginning of my ride was so visceral that I thought I was to renounce all that I ever was. Now it seems that I was just being guided through the ghosts of Christmases past in order to fully be able to embrace the joy of being alive, being a citizen of this earth, and of upholding the spirit of all living things. I am a newly reborn member of this world, and I’m announcing openly that I’m ready to welcome all that the universe has in store for the rest of my path.

Wind Walker, US Navy, Retired.