Excerpt from Follies of an Awakening Fool: Mother Ayahuasca, The Vine of the Soul

Posted on December 11, 2013


Excerpt from Follies of an Awakening Fool: Mother Ayahuasca, The Vine of the Soul

(Photo credit: http://alexgrey.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Alex_Grey-Ayahuasca_Visitat.jpg)

Holy hell, I said over and over to myself…this is it?? “The End Game” cycled through my essence over and over—far more than a thought or an ego-based decision. I thought I had died and gone to the afterworld, a place which resembled a Van Gogh painting that I controlled. It was all me, all along. I have created all that is, that ever was, and could stop there being a repeat yet again. Except, as my voices kept telling me, I would remain bored and thus I have been down this process time and again simply because I always reached the point of insanity and needed at some point to re-create time, matter, earth, and a life of lessons. And this time, now that I finally discovered this truth, I could insert myself at any time and place in the world’s history.

I was goo of all colors: white, yellow, red, blue…all colors, all shapes, all vibrations, all matter and forms of life. If I could think it, I was it. It was me. We all were connected by this goo that humans call “matter”, and yet there was no “we”…no “you” or “me”. It was completely hilarious to me, as I could not stop laughing for probably three hours. I was uncontrollably writhing on a mat on the wood floor of the ceremony hut amongst five other journey mates and two shamans who held space for us all by singing, blowing raw tobacco smoke, and shaking a rattle. While on this mat it occurred to me that in this room we all suddenly were pods right out of the movie Matrix, with our 3 dimensional selves playing out yet another lifetime of stupid follies where we enjoyed suffering and harming others. We all were Mount Olympus playing chess with our 3 dimensional selves. We all were Zeus, Aphrodite, and all gods and goddesses mixed as one yet as separate entities. It was so fucking hilarious to me that I kept interchanging myself into a monkey, a mosquito, and a vampire/bat…and when I looked around the room all I saw were seven other bodies just like whatever form I was in at the moment.

And no shit, we all were communicating telepathically. This was no hallucination—I would think something and suddenly someone was saying it or something so close that within a few more words they would end up where my thought had been. Even more profound was sometimes they would actually laugh at the same moment I was internally laughing or answer my thoughts directly, clearly knowing what I was thinking. It affirmed how this year has been for me, with several people answering my thoughts in one form or another…and quite more frequently the past couple of months.

I was many times like Donkey Kong—a huge monkey who was reaching from across the Amazon to places I have been and to people in my life, trying to either make myself appear wherever I wanted or to help those in my life through problems… something that my own dream states have been doing but now I was in fact in control of the process—much like a lucid dream except that I wasn’t dreaming. I was Richard Bach writing “Illusions”, Van Gogh painting and hearing voices that others would think made me crazy yet I understood that it was all just plain stupid because it’s all one big game! And I wasn’t the only Creator: we ALL are/were. We all were doing this over and over again trying to somehow make the geometry finite rather than a repeating cycle of death, doom, fear, and destruction— all just to keep us/me entertained for eternity.

Author’s Notes

I had stumbled onto ayahuasca via an internet search about thirteen months prior to finding myself deep in the Amazonia. In late 2011 I felt that the signs were pointing me in the shamanic direction, a feeling based on something that had taken place in my world exactly twenty years prior, so I wanted help from people who lived the authentic life as a shaman. Somehow, this all led me to Iquitos, Peru, made somewhat famous in the New Age community by James Redfield‘s Celestine Prophecy and further infamous nowadays for its tourism centered around the Vine of the Soul.

When I originally scheduled my flight to a land I had never set foot on, even during my Navy years, I was fully onboard with knowing Mother Ayahuasca had been calling to me. By the time I actually set foot onto Peruvian soil, however, I wasn’t so sure it was necessary any longer. Since I had never before experimented with any drugs there was a large part of me questioning whether beginning with such a powerful entheogen was a good place to start. And then there were the stories of not-so-good shamans, or brujos, who would serve up bad medicine and cause people to have some very bad journeys, or to take sexual advantage, or a myriad of other magical tricks that would linger in the seeker’s energy field for a long time.

So I simply decided to stay at a regular lodge, known as San Pedro Lodge, and then decide from there if I would just take a load off of my long run at a turbulent life for the first time. For a week I enjoyed the people, food, and location along the feeder rivers into the Amazon proper. As serendipity has it, there were only a couple other guests the day I arrived and one of them had been in the area for a couple months already taking ayahuasca journeys and other plant diets. She had come to trust the shamans and the American Expatriate owner of the healing lodge where I would purge my guts and other innards a few days into my adventure. It made sense to me to trust the inspiration to come to exactly where I was and then to find this other lovely guest who had plenty of references for the shamans. Clearly, I had been guided for a good reason.

What became of the experience is written in Follies of an Awakening Fool, truncated above for those of you who wish to get a sample of what an ayahuasca journey can be like. The experience served as the first major step in what I went to South America to undergo: a complete spiritual transformation. Ayahuasca took me to the places I had already been experiencing in dream land and in late night waking hours as visions, and let me know that I was on course with my path. But, she isn’t for everyone. Many have nothing but purging, while others have frightening experiences. Still others find themselves hooked on the search and add ayahuasca to their repertoire of mental addictions. Sometimes, a person will not come out of the journey – either mentally or physically.

I knew to follow my guidance and as a result I was given the gift of knowledge. What I now know as my Truth is aligned with the spiritual masters of the world’s history, but that’s only because I had been doing so much inner work prior to arriving, and since then have continued to maintain. Spiritual knowledge is overwhelming in our human form. It turns many into mental hospital patients. Ayahuasca is beautiful, I wear a reminder of her around my neck 24/7 to keep me in full gratitude of what she taught me. It might be said that spiritual Enlightenment begins with gratitude, and the ability to retain the Enlightenment in a safe place remains with gratitude. I share my life through this blog and through Follies of an Awakening Fool as my own gratitude for the life I’ve been given and all the tumultuous lessons it has brought me, and as a hope that some will find their own sense of appreciation through what I share. It is a Miraculous Universe, and if you haven’t yet realized it I know that soon you will. Be grateful for every moment you have in it!